yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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