You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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