Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
