I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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