i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize