no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
