you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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