I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
there was a trapeze. enough said
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
