Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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