Moan for me like Helen Keller
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
