$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
