I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
