i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
