Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'm having to shit out rocks
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