Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize