so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
