whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm getting married
To pizza
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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