just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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