So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
