i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
