my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
This couple is walking their pig around campus
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
