this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
