It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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