i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
