i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
