hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
another moral hangover. fuck.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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