does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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