Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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