He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize