I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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