Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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