What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize