You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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