I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
