I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
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