I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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