also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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