Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
