I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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