I wish my penis had an off switch
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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