Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Boobs speak an international language.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
