he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
