Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
