I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize