Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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