i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
