I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
