Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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