Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
