new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
