escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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