I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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