Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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