what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
