Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
