her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I think my moral compass just broke
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
