don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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