I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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