Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize