You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
