is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
now i know why i became what i already was.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
