True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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