I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Success! We fucked roommates!
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