the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
