god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
