Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize