I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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