I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
