he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
