How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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