Only a mothe r could love this liver
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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