Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
