garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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