Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
