he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
