are you still at the devil's house?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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