I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
