i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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