Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
The air taste purple.
Randomize