she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I am mentally ready for anal.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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