Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
