A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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