Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
