My friends, they love my intelligence
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize