My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
