perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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