I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
