It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize