Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
