he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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