I queefed so loud it echoed.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
