It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
People in love make me want to vomit
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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