dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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