Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I did not marry a roomba.
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