Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
